Penn Yan, New York (Combined News Services) ~ King Plebeian of the Finger Lakes announced today that he has used his executive powers to ban the upcoming 50th anniversary celebration of the invention of the wooden stock. The festival had been slated to take place near Peasantman on race weekend.
Recent speculation suggested that Wooden Stock 50 would have created serious safety issues for Peasantman, however the King dismissed any notions that he made this decision with his own interests in mind.
"A wooden stock is essentially a torture device," said his Royal Majesty. "Celebrating its invention fifty years after the fact is highly inappropriate, and we will not stand for it. That being said, the race now shall be much safer."
Others suggested the King's decision was related to a waning interest in wooden stocks, and noted that the great wooden stock performers from years ago are now far past their prime, and may be less likely to generate interest in barbarism among the younger crowd.
While the cancellation of Wooden Stock 50 has drawn cheers from race competitors, some fans of wooden stocks were disappointed to hear that they will not be able to watch beheadings or enjoy the accompanying musical acts. The Jester James Lute Orchestra had already been scheduled as the festival's main performer. Other notable groups originally scheduled to attend included Choir Boys in the Hoods, Flight of the Harpsichords, Mandolin Reign of Terror, and Braveharp.
Sir William Stockfoot of the group Violent Violins had been slated to perform at Wooden Stock 50.
Attendees from the original Wooden Stock Festival - a scene the King did not want to see duplicated.