Vicious tyrant could jeopardize athlete safety, say race organizers
Penn Yan, NY (Combined News Services) ~ Peasantman race organizers have rejected the attempt of one of civilization's most notorious tyrants from participating in this year's Peasantman Steel Distance Triathlons race. Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia from 1456 to 1462, also known as 'Vlad the Impaler' or 'Dracula', had attempted to register as a water station volunteer under the name Billy Parks. However race organizers quickly became suspicious when the email address and phone number he provided did not come up in a background check.
The news comes only six days after Impaler had approached Peasantman about sponsorship possibilities. "This idiot dressed in a weird crown and robe asked me if his company called 'Sharp Wooden Pole Incorporated' from Transylvania could sponsor the event, and I told him it wasn't the type of company we really wanted to work with," said Peasantman founder Joe McMahon. "Then he got angry, saying stuff like 'don't you know who I am' and mumbling something about 'the Order of the Dragon.' I just laughed and didn't think much about it until we found out who he really was."
In a statement provided to various news agencies today, McMahon stated, "We just didn't think it would be safe for our athletes. The safety of our participants is of utmost importance, and allowing Vlad the Impaler to participate in the event would be sending the wrong message to our contestants and to the region. We will remain vigilant in making sure Mr. Impaler does not find a way to attend the event in any way whatsoever." Impaler, 598, is especially known for his cruelty toward enemies and for campaigning against the Ottoman Empire and its expansion during the 15th century.