Typical peasant times had not yet begun, say event organizers
Rome (Combined News Services) ~ Race organizers announced yesterday that they have disqualified Julius Caesar from Peasantman after discovering that he didn't exist in what most people consider typical peasant times.
The announcement is essentially a complete reversal of four days ago, when Peasantman organizers held a press conference touting Caesar's past achievements and stating that his entrance into the event would be an inspiration to the athletes.
"Although we had initially let Mr. Caesar register for Peasantman, we noticed that he existed essentially a thousand years before what most people think of as peasant times," said Peasantman founder Joe McMahon. "We had no choice, considering he didn't live during the Middle Ages, nor was he a part of the typical agricultural working class."
McMahon's diplomatic tone was in sharp contrast to public speculation, however. Immediately after the announcement, rumors began swirling that Caesar's disqualification actually came after it was discovered that he had made false claims. His story began to unravel on Saturday when his claims of inventing the Olympics in ancient Greece turned out to be false.
"He wasn't even Greek, he was Roman," said Peasantman competitor Eric Malone. "Plus he's made out of stone and he looks pretty creepy. That's gotta be why they really booted him from the event."
Peasantman refused to respond to inquiries regarding these possibilities.
Caesar (100 BC – 44 BC), a Roman general and statesman, was mostly known for his role in the rise of the Roman Empire, and for saying, "et tu, Brute" to some dude on the Ides of March in 44 BC.